LSD Hits The Books #2: Fifty Shades Darker Read online

CHAPTER 3

  THE COURT OF HOWLS

  Firstly, if you understood the Gotham reference award yourself ten points. So I thought I would do a few internet searches and see what the general consensus is about 50 Shades Darker. Frankly I’m not interested in what ‘the Establishment’ has to say about it. After all I showed the 21 anonymous ‘reviews’ written at the beginning of 50 Shades of Grey and then compared them to what people were saying about it on the Internet and there was a world of difference in terms of their opinions. Incidentally, if you’d like to read that review here is the link

  I am more interested in what the average reader has to say; after all I am the average reader and enjoy reading a variety of different genres. For the record these reviews were taken at random and represent a small sample of people’s thoughts online about 50 Shades Darker.

  It should also be noted that I am only interested in book reviews and don’t care what people are saying about the films. I couldn’t help but look at the Rotten Tomatoes score for the film mind you and it got 10%... wow that is pathetic. But then as the saying goes you can’t polish a turd and when the source material is this terrible even the best director couldn’t make a great film out of it. On with the reviews.

  The first person gave it one star out of five and said: ‘drama-drama-drama, bdsm-gone-way-wrong, morally-questionable,contemporary-romance, not-a-friend-of-feminism, poorly-executed-strong-theme,drove-me-to-drink, gd-mary-sues, insufferable-mc, male-lead-needs-to-be-maced,promotes-rape-culture, glorifies-abusive-relationships.’

  Not exactly a ringing endorsement eh readers?

  The next said ‘Did you know that used bookstores and charity shops are drowning in used copies of Fifty Shades of Grey? Our local ReStore actually put out a news bulletin telling people they were no longer accepting them.’

  I’m not generally an advocate of book burning but in this case I’m prepared to make an exception. I mean if you burn your copy at least it keeps you warm for a few minutes so at least you got something out of this travesty of a ‘novel.’

  The next reviewer said ‘Huge improvement compared to Fifty Shades of Grey’ but again, considering what this person is comparing it to that still isn’t saying much.

  The last reviewer said ‘Wow, talk about fifty shades of bad writing.’ Once again I’d like to point out to you dear reader that all these reviews were from females. Quite frankly I’m not sure I know a single male who read the book series.

  Which leads me to the inevitable question. Why did this book series sell a hundred million copies? Sex you say? Not really. After all there have been a lot of books throughout the twentieth century that raised some controversial issues relating to sex which were written far better than this hot mess.

  In a word it’s hypocrisy. The hypocrisy of (mostly) females who look down their noses at their spouses and men in general for watching ‘porn’ and the way it objectifies women and who then pick up this garbage and call it ‘literature.’ It’s not literature, it’s poorly written smut full of sex that treats women like crap and insults their intelligence while dangling the carrot of sex before them.

  CHAPTER 4

  THE HIT LIST

  So I survived the intellectually and morally bankrupt garbage that was 50 Shades Darker and some of you may be thinking ‘Thank God’ while others may be thinking ‘Yes but where are the reviews for 50 Shades Freed and Grey huh?’ Well, to hell with it. I’m going to review them too... eventually. Now the important question is this… Which book (or book series) would you like to see the LSD team put a ‘hit’ out on next? It’s up to you dear readers because the book that gets the most votes and comments in the review section for this little review of ours WILL BE HIT NEXT. Who’s it going to be? You decide.

  CHAPTER 5

  LINKS TO OTHER WORK BY MIKEY AND RICHARD

  How to Lose Money and Irritate People:

  LSD Issue #1 (FREE to read / review):

  Confessions of a Gaming Attendant:

  Follow Mikey Lee Ray here on Twitter:

  https://twitter.com/mikey_lee_ray

  The Temp Pest (Richard’s first eBook):